Tomorrow I'll be sharing a short eulogy at the funeral service for Jerard.
I have two written up and am not sure which one I'll be sharing.
But I'll share them both with you here.....
In the past four plus years of caring for Jerard I have been occasionally asked what I've thought about Jerard being in our family, if I ever had regrets that we took him in....and to those questions I say this
Jerard has been precious to me.
Jesus made him just the way he was just as Jesus made me and my other children.
Jerard's special needs have been irons of fire Christ has used to mold me more into His likeness.
Jerard's blindness taught me to see the depth of love Christ has for me and for each of His children.
Jerard's weakness helped me admit my own weaknesses and to discover more deeply the truth in God's word that when I am weak, He is strong.
Jerard's inability to balance taught me the need to lean into my Saviour more.
I loved the way Jerard just seemed to melt into me when I'd hold him.
It was a perfect reminder to me of my own need to lean into my Saviour, resting ever in His arms no matter what storm is raging around me.
I thank God for Jerard.
The road these past four plus years has been hard
steep
strewn with anger, hurt, tears, depression...
strewn with conflict, sullen silences
and yet overarching, God's mercy.
His grace.
Even in the darkness of soul and family life
His light shining through
His love lighting a pathway of healing - personally,
relationally...
I've seen each of us growing in character and Christlikeness
I've seen such tenderness in my sons to their special needs brother
Jerard's vulnerability has taught me the need to rest and trust completely in my Saviour's care and providence no matter what storm is raging around me.
This gift,
Jerard,
our special needs son
His neediness is the gift
His cute smile,
His gentle blind eyes
People wonder why we ever took a special needs kid in in the first place 'ignorance is bliss" but this I do know....
Love is a commitment
Love is not a feeling
Love is doing what's right regardless of the cost
And isn't that the love my Saviour showed for me and each of us who are Christians when He willingly came to earth, lived a man's life, and willingly suffered, walked the road to calvary, and died? I do not regret the road we've traveled with Jerard
It's been a road full of mercy
a road leading me closer to my FATHER's love
And all I know is that all is grace
And my FATHER knew what He was doing when He created Jerard,
When He brought him to our family.
I rest in HIS loving arms
Thanking HIM for HIS gift,
Thanking Him for Jerard.
A comforting thought to me is that now, my Jerard, can see
and the first face he's ever seen is Jesus' face.
And now I can see him dancing in heaven,
smiling,
laughing,
playing,
eating,
seeing Jesus
seeing colours for the first time ever
Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,declares the Lord,..."
Psalm 139 says For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
The gift of caring for Jerard has taught me the reality that no matter what God is with me, caring compassionately, gently, patiently for me.
I've seen the depth of my depravity and selfishness in caring for Jerard - you know, sometimes I just didn't want to.
But the prayer at the end of Psalm 139 has become my prayer - "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! See if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Every circumstance God allows to happen in my life is for my good and His glory.
Jerard has been a gift to me.
I thank God for Jerard.
As much as I miss him, I am thankful he is now running free in the fields of heaven,
able to see and use his body. I look forward to seeing him again someday.
Thank you God, for Jerard.
